Dec 1, 2006

American Beauty


American Beauty

Yarn: Caron Simply Soft (Autumn Red, White, & Dark Country Blue)
Hook: G 4.25mm
Pattern: #67 200 Crochet Blocks by Jan Eaton
Size: 6.5" square

Thank You: All my appreciation to you, my readers, for all the support and comments. I've read blogs and commented when others have had situations arise, and you always read afterwards how much it meant to them....well, now I know! It really meant a lot to me and it really helped. We are fine. My husband is fine. We are in daily contact with our niece and she has very good support back home. Shes back in school and back to her part-time job. She made a wonderful tribute about her and her mom on her myspace...but it's private, so there is no way to link..you would have to be 'a friend' type thing to view it. The status of when my husband returns to the ship in the gulf is unknown...he is 'checking in' this morning on base (San Diego) as I type.

My crochet hook is warm lately. Feels like a warm pair of slippers- getting back to sitting on the couch and crocheting. I love knitting, too (or the idea of it since I haven't been knitting lately) but when I pick up that hook it's like butter on a warm roll. I'm thinking of making a afghan for my husband (for our living room) in the colors above using many different patterns of blocks. Lately, it's comforting while watching football with my husband to be crocheting. He enjoys me doing it while he's watching, too. Although, I haven't shared my plans with him! To have these small moments of time after having him on this 6 month cruise is just wonderful although under awful circumstance.

My thoughts are all over the place surrounding this all and the big move in two months to CO...(I want to figure out how to put my countdown ticker at the bottom of the blog) Any hints? Perhaps only a person who has experienced the military lifestyle knows when I say this... No matter how good the family relationship is...there is that dynamic that goes on days before your spouse comes home, about three days after they enter back into the family, and then again when they leave. No matter if they are gone a 1 week, 2 months, or 6 months...the 'changing dynamic' goes on. To think that as we approach the last three years on a 'shore' command-this dynamic will cease. Of course, then it will be with the dynamic of "gee, don't you have anywhere to GO?" HA!

I approach this with humor most of the time, but sometimes I have a very selfish thought process surrounding this- thinking of how many times this has had to go on through the years and although I'm very thankful- I'm just plain 'tired'..I know every other military family has experienced the same thing, but some times I'm hard on myself- to make everything right during these times-to hold down the fort-to keep the home fires burning...and I think I've done a fine job at this or it wouldn't have lasted this long, but sometimes I realize I have to be gentle with myself and say, 'Look-give yourself a break you've been doing this for almost 17 years.' Don't get me wrong..I have a lot of 'down' time and 'me' time..I don't mean that...I mean the mental tiredness that is occurring this late in the game.

This 'gentleness' I talk about is going to be incorporated into my New Years Thoughts that some call resolutions. Is it too early to talk about this? For me- no. I enjoy the process of thinking about the past year and what I want to realize in the coming new year. Of course, when you experience a death in the family it really makes you think.

I'm sorry this is so long...I sometimes have trouble reading long posts as well, but I guess what I want to really say is that I've 'missed' coming here. At times I felt like I wanted a break from blogging, but not in this way...but it was funny during different times of the day during this break a few of you would pop into my head and I would wonder what you would be doing! You guys mean something to me...this is a real extension.

...and finally, I turn 36 today... the idea of 'clicking' past the 35 mark bothers me I don't know why, but it does...so let me just publish that for all to see!!! I have a very good friend out there that is 43 or so that would think 'gosh, to be 7 years younger'...but I'm beginning to hit that age I realized how FAST these years are moving...30 was a blur and to think of how much I've done since then, well....never mind... my mind trails to the above items.

SO, it's Happy Birthday to me!

Thank you guys for being there!

14 comments:

beadlizard said...

May you enjoy 36!

So sorry about your DH's twin.

We've moved a lot and often. DD has been to so many different schools! I'm wondering what are the things that you do first to make the new home feel like home? --Syl

Janine said...

First of all, happy birthday! It can feel a little strange, but I can affirm that we can continue to grow and change and, yes, feel joy! after 35. I understand your sense of tiredness and the stress of changing family configurations--I'm about to head off after 3 weeks of getting used to being a family again. I salute your resilient spirit!
And let me add that I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

Sue said...

Happy Birthday! And I do that too, thinking about people I don't even know "in real life" at random points during the day. It's amazing how the internet brings people together who would otherwise never meet.

Donna said...

Happy Birthday! You are just a baby, honey. Trust me,I had my 48th in September. It was so good to see you back in the blog world today. I've missed you.

Leaving and coming home were both hard for me when Bill was in the Navy. I would fight with him before he went on deployment even though he was the very person I most wanted to be with. I still can't explain it. After the initial elation of getting him back home, I would sometimes resent his interference in things I had needed to do on my own while he was gone. So many adjustments over and over to our little household took their toll. I still can't stand it when he has to go out of town.

Lorette said...

It's good to have you back blogging. Happy Birthday!
It sounds like there's a lot going on in your life. Just so you know, your whole family is appreciated for putting up with the "military lifestyle" for the rest of us. That can't be easy, even if you have a sense of humor about it.
And when your husband's retired (mine is), you do get that "don't you have anywhere to go" attitude now and then!

Cathy said...

Belated Happy Birthday, PJ! The crocheted square is gorgeous - an afghan of assorted squares would be fabulous. Take care of yourself.

Jeanne said...

So glad you are back, PJ. I can see why you find the crocheting so comforting to do. It is sort of a "nesting" kind of thing, don't you think. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! It is funny how certain years effect us more than others, but 36 is YOUNG to many of us!!!!

Sonia said...

I am glad you are back and fine!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PAULA!
You are so young! You would be my daughter! Sofia has 32!
Hugs and kisses!

PS: I have a blog's friend named Mary-Kay Tilden and she just moved to Colorado from San Diego. She loves so much knitting too. Did you know her? She is very nice!
Here her link:
http://mamascrapalota.typepad.com/me/

carolyn said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PJ.
My thoughts have been with you and your family over the past few days and I was so pleased to find you posting again. I'm not surprised you are "tired", take care of yourslef and have a really wonderful birthday.
Carolyn x

Jennifer said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAULA!!!

I'm really glad to "hear from you" again as I've been thinking of you. Hang in there. Birthdays are funny, aren't they? I'm about to have my 34th. I was thrilled when I hit 30 because I felt like I was finally an adult, somehow.

Your American Beauty looks gorgeous, and I'm sure hubby would love an afghan for your new home in a couple months. Cheers!

Kali said...

Dear Paula ~ I would love to wish you belated birthday wishes for a wonderful personal year ahead. I'm a year older than you, and also feel the same about being over 35.
I too do what you described, thinking of people I know through blogging, wondering what they're doing etc.
I hear you in regards to your feelings of being tired, and sympathise. It is very understandable...
Wishing you a peaceful December...Kali xo

Vik said...

Happy belated Birthday, Paula!

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your family's loss. My heart goes out to you all. I hope that your husband can find solace in the happy memories that he has of his sister through the years. I'm sure that you're a person of strength for him. I hope that you are able to enjoy and celebrate your birthday and the time you both have together. I know it's hard pushing past that mid-decade birthday, but trust me, it gets easier and better!

Rebekah said...

The afghan sounds like a really nice idea. I'm throwing around a blanket for our house too, I knit so much anymore for others, it'd be nice to do something for "us".

Take care!