Dec 5, 2006
The Goodbye once more...
As your loved one passes security, the end of the time is now- you walk away from the airport feeling emotionally naked. Oh, if it was only a 'business trip'- 2 days, 4 days, a week, or 2 weeks! No, it's 2 1/2 months. Always with the unknown....its a whole bunch of time. Is it easier walking away from a ship? ...perhaps-maybe it's the idea of air travel and finally helicopter travel.
No, its the missing of hearing how his sons interview went today after the SD Police transported him to his 'colonel' interview for Safety Patrol, it's the award given to his daughter tonight. It's the adjustment to where we were before- family of 4 -comfortable and with a nice household flow, the nights warm and snuggly- our little home. BAM! back to square one within 48 hours- over and over and over again for almost 17 years. (this come and go dynamic) Although there were a few years without it like this...I'm not complaining just releasing. Then the call one more time of 'I love you' the forced happiness, the hanging up, and the complete meltdown- the alone feeling right at that moment-kids are still in school- time for that pick up the boot-straps, get back on the horse- however you want to say it- there are many days ahead- the strength , the power, the emotion, the weakness, the endurance. I'll be okay. Once his 8000 mile trip is complete to Bahrain and the hope that they can get him to the ship quickly thereafter. Once he is on his ship my emotions will ease. To think I honestly sometimes wonder why a cookie comforts?
The coffee is suppose to perk longer. The casual conversation- alone our fluidity that we have of our constant talk- the lack of it is deafening. The found coffee cup from this morning that he drank out of. It's suppose to be a filled pair tonight so we can watch something together. My kids are seemingly resilient, however, I am getting less resilient. HA! 36...yea, a babe some may say, but I've always felt I have always had an older soul...perhaps I've gone through some have never experienced...this also ages you. I don't know- age is just a number- you feel the way you feel. The strong shoulders are weakening. When I wrap my mind around it- perhaps the thought that THIS is the last major goodbye- that is what I grab on to. Although, that sounds bad, but it's a good thing because next time he comes home will be the last. There is a 5 week school after moving to CO in Pensacola, FL, but that's nothing. Plus it's state-side. I say goodnight to the children. I come down stairs to an empty couch. I get a cup of that 'foo-foo' coffee. It's perfect tonight. This is what DH calls the fresh beans I buy that he loves, but wouldn't prepare himself. He only makes the Maxwell stuff...which is fine, but sometimes it's just nice to have the other. Nugget grabs her fuzzy ball and lies down by the couch. Her best friend with a blanket is missing tonight as well.
Tomorrow I will think more clearer. This time has felt like a dream, a tease, as if it didn't happen. I should have had a camera today at the airport- the snowman ornament Christmas tree was beautiful. I feel comfort just typing. I know you all care and will want to comment, but I've stepped out here and just wanted to type....for me- more than anything it was to just to sort my brain and feelings...not for comments.
Let's all be watching for that night-time launch of our space shuttle on Thursday!!! My 'X picture' is long-over due, so I will be in my fuzzy slippers tomorrow morning working on that!!!! No worries...I'm back! Thank you to ALL for your for my past birthday wishes and again for all the support through these last weeks!