random cow that posed well for me (near my parents)Lots of thoughts towards future, but the limbo of it all with still unknowns is testing my patience. Hasn't this past year proven my patience?I truly believe it has been a God given thing -I would have never thought I could have made it this far.
News bothers me. It gets to me. An awful thing had happen on Valentines day at a residence along a road I drive every day to work. A 1 yr old and a 4 yr old stabbed by someones boyfriend who stabbed himself. The one year old was dead at scene and the other two died later of their wounds.
How does a person get to that point? What is or not going through their sick minds? ...too much of this going on! Is it that we just hear about it more easily due to our ease of media access? I believe it makes people go into the realm of ....'I'm going to get a concealed weapon permit...I'm going to pack my basement with supplies to live for 70 days....load up on weapons....' I do believe in the idea of perhaps 'living off the grid'...I have to admit I think about my Mom and Dad's life... first started out on the road. They went to Alaska numerous times, across Canada, Nova Scotia, many criss-crosses over our fine country. Now in their cabin on the mountain....They have no use of internet. No use for a 'smart' phone. As my father would say, 'It clutters the mind' Is he far off? As I get older and overwhelmed with life as it is....what ARE we doing? What ARE we striving for?
I've been put into a situation of getting off that treadmill of life! I am glad. I sometimes wonder that maybe that is what had happened. No blame to one or the other. When the 'striving' becomes the essence of it all and the forgetfulness of the meaning of it all. Or perhaps....the way I feel it was....not understanding the meaning of it all and living towards only the striving...the result is very empty.
Summer view out backAs I continue on ...I live deeply....I want to question what is...it's the true essence of me. The remarkable thing about this is- I'm thrilled to be able to be like this or live like this. Many may not understand and that is okay as I don't think I'm on this Earth to prove myself to anyone. That is a bold statement that I've never felt freeing enough to say.....but I just DID! woo-hoo!
ANYWAY, there are many birds that need to be viewed by me! There is a novel to be written! (whether it's ever published is not the concern right now) There are our country's National Parks to be seen!...not just 'visited, but 'seen'. There are long known friends and family to enjoy!
looking East (out back) at sunsetSo, I put myself on a media diet...not wanting to put my head in the sand, but to not be inundated by it. Be freeing of the perceived Evil that can occur 'out there'. I cannot help but think that having the bus route I have this year is a factor. They are 'troubled'...they are 'challenging'.....what is 'norm' in their family life is extraordinarily different than mine....but I look past their 'in your face troubling actions/reactions' and, when I do, something happens that I hope perhaps years from now one of the students ...hopefully, not in jail, can think to himself/or herself (I only have 6 girls on the route).....'there once was that bus driver that accepted me'
This is not just a job....and certainly not a well paying one, but one that has changed my life. There will be a time when I must go from it. It will be needed and the time will be right.
Valentine flowers from my daughter :)So, maybe the limbo is meant to occur....it's needed!