Sep 2, 2012

September 2012

I was a Chef...to be a Chef to 29 people to be exact. Then the Cooks came in..about 4-5 of them.  But first before we started out jobs and met the family of 29 people...there was a wooden railroad. We did not ride it although the fear of it going straight down was there...somewhat like a roller coaster. All I could remember is, 'I really don't know what I'm doing...I've never cooked for 29 people'

Then I woke up. A fleeting dream...although, may have some significance regarding how I'm assessing my new  freedom. There once was a time...always had things to do...anticipation....'wait until I move insert place, then I'll do x,y,z'  then, I would get there, and the anticipation would continue on. A very restless way of living.  22 years?  ...Or was it just the last 15-16 years.... I do remember a time where everything hit. In Florida...I was going to college, I was working at the college, I was with a kindergartner and a 12-18 month old. Taking care of house...Florida lawns are fun in the summer...husband was working hard as well.  ....so, when did the other person give up? I was always there....always present. Or was I? I did my best.

I do not ponder that too much...I am finally still. The peace in that stillness is remarkable...actually foreign at times! When you have that space between thoughts separate from that role playing we all do...something spectacular occurs!

September....really? It's been 7 months since I've been separated. You know-it's a double edged sword...on one side piercing thoughts of past...who, what, where, when, how....but, on the other side with the above peace I speak of.....this all really doesn't feel any different than it was 5-10 years past. Do you play a role so well that you even miss the truth? It still doesn't excuse the sin that was committed last year...even if I thought everything was so wrong I would never stoop to such a level. Call it righteous...whatever...I'll claim that.

But what I will ABSOLUTELY CLAIM is ....my beautiful Son and Daughter (and various other family members I have been blessed to have part of me)....and because of all that...I wouldn't have done ANYTHING differently!

SO, LET THAT WOODEN RAILROAD JUST FLY STRAIGHT DOWN....I'm Present in my life! ...at least I'm not cookin' for 29!...or maybe I'm 'present' for 29 people in my life? HA!

Oh, how I love his song....  I've moved from his song called, 'Over You'  to this:


7 comments:

IvoryJ said...

Glad I'm a part of your life

Bev said...

I love you!

zippiknits said...

Wonderful song.

I'll bet you never realized just how strong and focused you are. Stay strong!

I love you.

Lorette said...

It sounds like you are handling all this better than most people would. You are a very strong person, even if it might not feel like it to you sometimes.

Sue said...

I'm so glad you're doing so well! Love the song...

sonia a. mascaro said...

I agree with your friends, you are very strong and focused person!
You have a beautiful Son and a beautiful Daughter and a lovely family too. It's really a blessing.
I love you!

Cathy said...

It's true - time heals all.

Being here now - tough to do at times, but now you know.